It’s dangerous having an office located in downtown Scottsdale. The proximity to restaurants and watering holes can easily lead to lengthy lunches and copious amounts of cocktails. Now that Rancho Pinot has added a weekday lunch menu, I fear my productivity level just dropped.

Although it seems this place has fallen off the foodnik radar, the stellar Arizona-accented cooking is still earning the “5-STARS” awarded by the Republic. A delectable new lunch menu makes it even more accessible.

Heading inside, you’ll see that kitsch is king.

Imagine cowboys, comics, saguaro ribs, and white table cloths. It’s a dreamy culture clash of whimsy to match the eclecticism of the cuisine.

Brandishing his bola tie, bartender Travis Nass is on a mission to elevate the city’s cocktail scene. He makes his own… well… everything. His bar is stocked little vials and vessels (pictured) containing homemade concoctions and bartender essentials.

His perfect Manhattan provoked this tweet to @kkrader, “I had a cocktail today that made me quiver. That good, or I just had the alchy shakes. I’m ok w either.”

Add in lunch by Chef Chrysa and I’m still shaking.

Back to the food blog roots… just wanted to share a few observations from recent dining experiences. These are a little on the negative nancy side, but tomorrow I’ll share some things I really like!

But first, let’s rip the band-aid off and let the healing begin…

Fine Dining Staff That Wear Costumes.
Save the act for Walt Disney World. (that’s where I did my internship… long story). Folks already know they’re in a Spanish restaurant, no need for Flamenco dancers and matador costumes.

Taco Fever.
Hello 2007-08 (along with the burger). I swear I was only joking when I suggested an event around this food as commodity staple. Then *poof* it appeared! Don’t’ get me wrong, I love a good taco! Who doesn’t? The hype is about 2-3 years too late, kids.

Tasteless “Eye Candy” Cupcakes.
Or any bland sweet for that matter. You know who you are. People still love you cause you were the first to push the product with a cute name. Certainly not the best. Ah the sweet taste of mediocrity.

Expensive Frozen Yogurt.
Wait, what? Yeah, Mojo blows. Anyone have a good lead on great froyo that’s not a gouger?

$16 Cocktails
I’ve always despised this, but even more so after my NYC trip. Even $14 is really pushing it. If the top bars in the country can pull off the best cocktail I’ve had in my life for only $12, y’all have no business charging $16+ for vodka sugar bombs.

Taking a cue from our server at Tinderbox Kitchen in Flagstaff, @azhotdish @petitefromageAZ @DoesntTweetAZ @thewildlavender and I braved the icy 40-degree weather and walked to a new cocktail joint in downtown Flag.

The cutting winds nearly froze me to the concrete. For a moment, I didn’t think I could go on. Luckily, Joel (@azhotdish) picked me up and carried my shivering body to the bar.

He was like my bar mule, and I was thankful.

I hitched my mule outside our destination; The Piano Room. You enter this “speakeasy” through a narrow doorway in the alley, walk up a few steps and your in a small bar surrounded by large brick walls and warm lighting. Think ski lodge rather than speakeasy. Cute and cozy with intimate tables, a handsome bar and even a VIP nook big enough to accommodate all 5 of us (including my mule).

The server was very kind and enthusiastically bragged on the Italy-trained chefs turned bar owners that infuse their own vodka in the basement below. Very cool! Clearly the place to be in Flagstaff.

The actual menus were a neat idea, but a little rough looking… Printed and pasted inside old books from the Flagstaff library. Laura suggested a little glu-stick on the menus might make them more presentable. The pages with actual menu items were randomly placed throughout the books, making it tricky to navigate.

At $8 bucks a pop, we all found interesting cocktails that were also easy on the pocket book.

And then it happened.

Yep. Those are frozen water balloons in the drinks.

According to the server, the owners/chefs decided that regular ice watered down the cocktails too much when melted.

1. You know that yummy latex taste when you blow up a balloon? Yeah, now make a drink with that.
2. It was like a birthday party with the colors of balloons served in our drinks. Blue, yellow…etc.
3. The balloons were so big and the glasses so small, the actual cocktail was probably only 1.5 oz or so. ($8 bucks)

The positive: The place has the bones of a winner. In fact, I really think it should be a winner. Lower the lights, fix the menus, and don’t ruin your handcrafted, house-infused drinks with rubber (or latex, or whatever balloons are made of these days).

Luckily, my fresh grapefruit juice cocktail was served tall, sans balloon. There were some interesting and good things happening with everyone ‘s cocktails too, but we just couldn’t get past the balloons.

Bottom line, I’d love another reason to visit Flagstaff regularly! Hoping to come back up soon and I will certainly stop by again.

Hell, I might even save on gas and ride my mule.

-Your cocktail pal JxP

The Piano Room – Flagstaff, Arizona
http://theflagstaffpianoroom.com
No number available

Marcellino and Sima Verzino have earned “Valley favorite” status thanks to their hands-on hospitality and fresh pastas so it was no surprise to see the place packed on opening night.

A few times throughout the evening, Sima clanged the wine glass to announce the in-house performance by two members of the Phoenix Opera.

The duo paced throughout the restaurant, singing crowd -pleasing opera standards. A little stuffy and old-school for my taste, but certainly a sincere performance and well received by most guests. Enjoy the performances every Friday and Saturday night.

Still a work in progress (I was told), the interior is a dramatic detour from Digestif’s old bones that Tutto never bothered to touch. Diners now enter through the East side of the building where buttery paint color and heavy doses of dark wood replace grey concrete and metal decor, taking the restaurant to an more mature Italian romantic place.

Pastas never disappoint and I’m looking forward to going back again soon. I’d be a regular if they relaxed on the prices.

I’m confident that Marcellino’s will shake off the bad joojoo of rotating Italian attempts in this space. Third-time’s a charm!

Cheers M & S, welcome to the ‘hood.

http://www.marcellinoristorante.com

A read a comment from a reader of Chow Bella that sums my feelings on the restaurant’s recognition and overly-hyped press.

Leslie writes…”It’s kind of like when it was announced that Obama would receive the Peace Prize. Everyone thought it was ridiculous, because while Obama most certainly should be able to win one in his lifetime, it shouldn’t have been this past year.”

Is it a good restaurant? Yes. And perhaps the most beautifully-designed dining space in Phoenix.

And you thought this was going to be a rake job on the place. Wait for it…

Perfection: An icy Almond Margarita ($9) in your hand while sitting on the shaded patio. This is easily one of my favorite cocktails in the city. Don’t worry, those nuts won’t smack you in the face. If you didn’t read the drink’s name or ingredients, the subtle almond flavor would have you guessing “Hmmm… what is that?” It’s a refreshing new take on a classic.

Also check out their Dark & Stormy. (Or make your own w/ my previous post, “Tornado Watch” my ass… Sip on this Mother Nature!)

Love the “Business Lunch” concept of in & out in 30 min. Too bad the dishes made me wish my stay was even shorter. Chicken Salad ($14) on flat bread was bland (needs acidic element?) and the French Onion Burger ($13) reminded me of the Sourdough Jack from Jack In The Box. (I know, vastly diff ingredients but similar taste, I swear!)

Things perk up at dinner time with a tasty Green Chile Stew ($12) that has everything you want in life, served in a skillet. Forbidden Rice is nice for the price ($15) starring fresh veggies and sweet dressing with spice.  (I could’ve been a rapper with dope rhymes like that).

Skip over the apps, including the flatbread everyone seems to be gaga about. A bad romance of what should be a simple yet winning combo of ingredients. My dining pals had no trouble reading my poker face on St. Francis’ starters.

Sadly, the Seafood Cioppino seems uninspired, especially for $25 bucks. Same goes for an under seasoned Pork Chop for $24.

Prime Hanger Steak ($23) saves the day with parsnip and braised greens. This was a favorite for the group. Get it soon, seasons are changing.

It’s tough to focus on the food when the atmosphere and architecture of St. Francis is such an attention whore (in a good way.) The space always makes me feel big-city chic with dramatic lighting, rhythmically spaced wood beams and a loft fit for foodnik birds who like to perch and eat.

Visit St. Francis for the views and drinks. Don’t let me my words steer you away from grazing. Figure out the food for yourself. *Putting away the unused rake*

If I’m in the area, I’ll gladly stop in for a cocktail and a nibble.

-Your food pal, JxP

St. Francis
http://www.stfrancisaz.com/
602-200-8111

The folks behind the film enlisted bloggers (ahem) as part of a neat rootsy campaign to spread the word about the movie. My task? I attended the True Food Kitchen FRESH dinner where $29 scored a 3-course meal + a voucher to see the flick. (Don’t worry, I’ll break down the everyday menu prices below) TFK was selected by FRESH for its “sincere care for the sourcing of ingredients.”

On with the show!

Consider yourself a devout heath nut? Is your preferred shopping companion a shi-poodle, schnoodle or labradoodle? Sam Fox and Dr. Andrew Weil have built you a beautiful place of worship inside the Biltmore Fashion Park. (Rumors say a chain of the restaurants will soon satisfy coastal California lettuce eaters)

We began with two “green” apps. I loved the simple Tuscan kale salad ($6) topped with parmesan, olive oil and toasted bread crumbs. It was crisp and lemony with a warming amount red pepper flakes. The green herby hummus ($8)  had a sour smack (in a good way) while the accompanying pita bread was tasty but powdered with a little too much loose flour.

Next up, the diver scallops ($22) were the highlight of the night. Five well-seared sea creatures on a mix of black rice, lotus chips and peas were bathed in sweet ponzu. I will be back for this.

My friend’s wild ahi sliders ($13) were alright, but this typically wouldn’t be my pick on a menu anyway. Not worth writing about.

Finally, desserts were easy winners. He scored a flourless chocolate cake topped with vanilla ice cream and caramel. My lemon olive oil cake shined with an easily delish combo of  strawberries and mint dolloped with tangy yogurt.

Sit on the patio and you might just see the wild schnoodle roaming the sidewalks.

Yes. I really do enjoy TFK for a light meal and glass of wine at a reasonable price. Appetizers and salads are always pleasing. In fact, could order the Tuscan kale salad and a cocktail and instantly feel California chic-y. The restaurant itself is spacious with a patio perfect for dog/people watching.

Editor’s note: Go see FRESH.

Ty’s note: I have no editor. Just go see it.

Moment of honesty: Nope… none of my meal was compensated by True Food Kitchen or FRESH. This was simply a topic and campaign I was interested in. Keeping it kosher!

-Your food pal, JxP

True Food Kitchen
http://www.foxrc.com
P: 602.774.3488

My modest attempts to prepare traditional dishes at home are now moot since El Coquito does it so well. The affordable mom-n-pop joint offers all the favorites, earning a loyal following of transplanted New York Puerto Rican families and wannabe borincanos like myself.

Important: This is a BYOB spot. You must prepare accordingly.

If you’re a true foodie, you already carry a stylish “Rum Purse,” pictured above. Any brown paper bag will do. Simply stock it with your favorite bottles of rum and carry it anywhere you go. The Rum Purse guarantees instant popularity in any situation, especially at a Puerto Rican restaurant that serves a signature “virgin” coconut cocktail (The Coquito) that begs to be bathed in liquor.

If you’re lucky (like we were), the server will have a freshly inked tattoo exposed on her back. The sight of an exposed open wound might be a bit much, but trust me, the food is worth the damage to your eyes.

Once your rods and cones have recovered, you’re in for a regional treat. One could munch on the appetizers of plantains, cod fritters and pastelillos (empanadas) alone. But then you’d miss out on family favorites including roast pork (my fave), marinated steak strips and pollo guisado. Pick your choice of rice plus pigeon peas, pink beans or black beans.

As for customers, an abundance of Puerto Ricans and gays is a good sign. In my most recent visit, it was pure coincidence that most our table of six just happened to be food-loving gay men. Mid-meal, another gay couple sat at the table next to us. (One shall be designated as “The Jackpot”) Then, several Puerto Rican families rotated through the restaurant throughout the night.

What does this all mean? My new gay buddies love good food… and real Puerto Ricans love this place. A sweet mix.

NOTE: The “Jackpot” guy in the image above hit the demographic trifecta: Gay, Puerto Rican and he was celebrating his birthday at El Coquito. What more evidence do you need to be convinced this place has it goin’ on?

DO: Order the Coquito virgin cocktail and spice it up with the contents of your “Rum Purse.”

DON’T: Let the sometimes slow service distract you from the worthwhile food. It’s really that good.

DO: Mention that you love the Yankees! The owners are Puerto Rican NY’rs love the Yankees.

DON’T: Utter the word “Mets.”

DO: Take a moment to peek in the window of Bennies Back Alley Barbershop next door. It’s the Taj Mahal of Marilyn Monroe memorabilia. (very bizarre)

DO: Visit El Coquito often. Just ignore the Lisa Frank tattoos.

-Your food pal, JxP

El Coquito
http://www.elcoquito.net
480-947-0680

ME: “…um …uh… shit”

Truth is, I have dozens of reviews written and ready to post. The problem? I’m just plain self conscious about writing and publishing a big chunk of critical text. My job has me writing, writing, writing several hours a day and practically drains the creative jucies out of my skull.

Adding to the pressure, my career and lifestyle surrounds me with great food writing by pros and non-pros both locally and nationally. On the flip side, there are tons of lame reviewers out there.

So where will I fit in? What will my peers think?

After a pep talk from my saucy little gal pal in food, I’ve finally have the confidence to start posting some of these reviews. No more excuses.

The Plan: Go with what you know.

Readers, expect a different take on food and dining reviews. Not for the sake of being different, but because I can only publish materials using the voice/medium that I’m most confident in.

Or should that be confident with.

Hell. See what I mean about confidence?

…coming soon: reviews on JuxtaPalate

Even when his acclaimed restaurant is closed for Superbowl Sunday, he’s answering the phones to make sure each guest talks to a live person.

The master restaurateur picked up the ringer when I called for a last-minute dinner reservation tonight. He politely explains that they are closed and offers a reservation for another night.

Wow.

Not only was he cool enough to give his staff the night off (…and the subsequent hangover Monday), he personally takes over the customer service to make sure guests are accommodated.

This is not unusual for NOCA.

The ever-perfectionist Eliot often answers the phone for his own restaurant and personally oversees the first impressions of all dining experiences at NOCA.

What about the food? You don’t need me to talk about it. The endless local and national reviews cover that. It’s epic.

I’ve dined here many times and I will always be fan.

Watch out Eliot. I’m taking notes. When I open my restaurant… will I be a friend or a formidable adversary?

btw… I’m not affiliated with NOCA in anyway. In fact, I made a bid for the NOCA contract back in ’08, but wasn’t picked. I should actually be bitter, but I can’t deny how much I love this place. When I eventually reach true foodie maturity, I hope to be as worthy as Wexler to operate such a fine establishment.

For anyone doubting my waistline woes… here’s a new monthly list of restaurants that have made sure my digestive tract is… well, on track. For those counting, yes there are more listed than there are days in the month so far.

Sadly, this doesn’t even include any fast food slip ups. (probably not disclosed for fear of public shunning)

See any favorites? Share ‘em.

Did I forget any? Probably.

Questions on any? Ask!

5th & Wine
Caffe Boa
Chipotle
Classic Italian Pizza
Dave’s Electric Brew Pub
DelFalcos Deli
District American Kitchen
Don & Charlies
Essence Bakery Cafe
Estate House
FnB
Fred’s at Barney’s New York
Hana Japanese
Hanny’s
Honey Moon Sweets Bakery
Hot Pot Caribbean
House of Tricks
Kazimierz World Wine Bar
Metro Brasserie & Bar
Modern Steak
Morning Glory Cafe
NOCA
Quiessence Restaurant
Quik Wok
Rancho Pinot
Posh
Side Bar
St. Francis
The Mission
The Vig
Virgie’s Restaurant

UPDATE: Here are a few I forgot
The Lodge
Sweet Republic
Liberty Market
Cafe Lalibela

ADDITIONS: New to the list
Culinary Dropout
Daily Dose
Rula Bula
Five Guys Burgers & Fries
Prado